You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
