she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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