Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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