Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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