3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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