i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
