yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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