My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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