hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
