Your face is a jimmy john
i don't like sucking hair
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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