this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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