i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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