yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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