Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
