I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
