He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
