UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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