oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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