I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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