if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
