my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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