So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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