where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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