the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
