it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
