Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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