I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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