you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
