Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize