Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
