All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
