During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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