You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
