just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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