i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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