I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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