She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
