I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
