TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
