i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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