It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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