im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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