didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The uberlube is also flammable
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
