Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
