That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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