I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
