ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
