Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
