you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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