God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
