you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
