Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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