he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
