I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
