i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
