Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
