You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
