I heard we made out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
