Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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