Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
