my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
