sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize