Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
