Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize