It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
