I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
