i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You made out with two different species that night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
