I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
