I wish life had little blips of pornography
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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