Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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