theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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