I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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