just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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