hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
