i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
