i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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