i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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