Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My cat gives me a boner
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i think i just lost a toe
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
