I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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