my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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